Jake: Dude, I slayed you once don't make me slay you again!

Jake: Now, look, I know my coming here may be a distraction, since I am, well, you know, a superstar and Tween Magazine's hottie of the year.
Lilly: (Gasps) I framed the cover!
Jake: Me, too!
Lilly: I hung it in my bathroom!
Jake: Me, too!
Lilly: Oh, my gosh! We have so much in common! We both love you!

Jake: Hey, Miley, it's me Jake. I'm in disguise.
Miley: As what, an ego-maniac TV star in a hat?
Jake: You're lucky. If my ego wasn't so big, that would've hurt.

Jake: Wow, Hannah, it looked like you really wanted to kiss me.
Hannah: Yeah, well, it's called acting.

Jake: (To Miley) Listen, about the dance, you, uh, seemed really nervous when I asked you. Which is to be expected, 'cause, you know, look at me.
Lilly: I do, all the time. Even when you don't know I am. Did I say that out loud?
Miley: Yes.

Jake: So, who's your friend?
Miley: Oh, that's Willis. He's from Seattle, you know, the coffee capital of America, he drinks it...black.
Jake: Holly drinks espresso.
Miley: Willis shaves.
Jake: Holly waxes.